Dating Your Mates: Should You Ever Go There?

 

Dating Friends  

 It was like having sex with someone you used to babysit and has now grown into a fully-fledged adult: technically not wrong but immoral on so many levels.  

The Friend You Fancy. We’ve all got one, right? This whole Men And Women Can Never Be Friends thing is nonsense; of course we can. However, to pretend that at least one party hasn’t thought about the other naked is naïve. In fact, sometimes, it’s good to just get the fancying part out of the way and stay mates.
Take my close friend Chris. We’ve been mates for 10 years and at this stage know each other far too well and have seen each other in far too many states of (unattractive) distress to fancy each other. For context, I rescued Chris from a bush he’s collapsed in, mid-pee, one New Year’s Eve and he’s seen me vomit in his frying pan after too many tequila shots. Trust me, there is no attraction on either side.
But, despite this, a few years ago we shared a bed after a house party. We snuggled up before looking up at each other as if to say; "Hmm, you are fit. And I am drunk. Might as well try, eh?" It was like having sex with someone you used to babysit and has now grown into a fully-fledged adult: technically not wrong but immoral on so many levels. Since then, my friendship with Chris is stronger because we’ve already tried the next level thing on and realised it comprehensively didn’t fit. Hey ho, no more awkwardness. But it was a risky move and could’ve easily ruined the friendship. It’s not always that simple when actual feelings are involved.
I know a guy, Ben, who had a thing for his female flatmate but never told her. Over the years, both their friendship and his feelings grew, but he was always too scared to make a move. One day, she hooked up with a guy from her office and within a year was engaged. She never knew of Ben’s undying love for her and he, I'm sure, will always regret not making his feelings clear.
If you like one of your female friends, I think you should do something about it. You have no idea how they’re going to react. It might be the best thing you ever do and your biggest regret if you don’t (sorry, Ben). Try a few tactics first to gauge her interest. For starters, you need to get her alone, away from the group to see if she flirts — or how she respond to your flirting.  Women like men to make the first move, so just because she hasn’t been forthcoming with her feelings yet, it doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Does she move in a litttle closer, playfully push your arm or pounce on your the minute you’re alone? You’re in!
On the other hand, don’t push your luck. The last thing you want to do is ruin the friendship or make a fool out of yourself. If she avoids alone time and talks to you openly about other guys she fancies or great dates she’s been on, it’s her way of asserting that you are just mates.
I’ve had a flirtation with one of my male mates for years. Six months ago, on a night out, the habitual flirty banter  escalated. Suddenly, our arms were draped over each other on the dance floor before we snuck away from the group and headed to another, quieter bar. Nothing went further than a kiss (OK, a lot of kisses) but we openly discussed fancying the pants off each other and going on a proper date. That date never happened. In the sober light of day we both panicked. What if it got weird between us? Years of friendship and epic nights out down the drain because we stupidly took it too far. Is it worth disrupting the friendship? At this point, no. We still like that we can go out, flirt a little and secretly enjoy the question mark over  anything happening in the future. No need to let sex complicate that.